Glass Heart

My mom once told me that when I was three this woman whispered to her, “Your daughter is an old soul, just like that painting on the wall. She’s going to be a healer and bring color to other peoples lives.”
My mom didn’t know what that meant at the time, but perhaps she was spiritual because now I’m twenty-two years old and this random woman that approached my mom couldn’t be more right about me.
I’ve spent years trying to heal other people,
That sometimes I forget to heal myself, take care of myself and appreciate myself as I do others.
I’ve spent years attempting to mend wounded hearts and broken souls in hopes to repair damage from unfortunate events in others’ lives that I couldn’t control.
As much as I wanted to fix it, there was nothing more I could do besides be a good friend.
For once glass breaks, you can try your best to glue the pieces back together but it will always be cracked.
You can’t fix something that is broken but you can try to put the pieces back together and fill the cracks with life lessons and hope that things will get better.
A shattered heart is stronger than one that has never been broken.
If you hold your head high enough and grow from tragedy, then the cracks will fade but they will still be there to remind you that you beat something you once didn’t think you could.
Our hearts are like glass.
We have these beautiful fragile organs that beat from the insides of our chest.
They can become easily fractured, yet they can also make our smiles glisten when things begin to go right.
Pretty wild isn’t it?
How glass can cut you like an axe taking down a helpless tree
but also act as a reflection of all that you’ve overcome.
Remember, our hearts aren’t shatter proof and without all those cracks from tragedy…how would the light seep in when the darkness starts to clear?

 

(Featured image by Sherrybookirk)

Water Your Soul

I encourage every single person to read this poem I wrote because it is relatable in many different ways. This is an important reminder to love yourself as much as you would another person because you are pretty damn special all on your own 

Water Your Soul

We are too busy trying to mold other people into what we hope they’ll become
And not focused enough on molding ourselves into the people we want to be.
Imagine what it would be like to love yourself as much as you love someone else.
Imagine knowing all that you’re worth.
Mold yourself into the queen that you are.
Some people don’t deserve your hands.
Don’t try to mold someone into something better with your precious fingers when they don’t appreciate your big heart and sparkly soul.
Don’t shower someone in your glitter
When they shower you in their dust.
Don’t share those special pieces of you
When all they give you is nothing but dirt.
People will plant little seeds in your mind.
These people will tell you they miss you and they love you
But the flowers will never blossom.
You’re at a standstill.
By letting his toxic energy in, you allow yourself no room for growth.
Yet you wait and wait on something tremendous to unfold and bloom in front of your eyes.
But you’re a daisy, you radiate sunshine
And he’s nothing but weeds pulling at your skin,
Wasting your time,
Mesmerizing you with nothing but lies.
My sweet girl, stop looking outside waiting on the flowers to bloom.
Most people don’t change.
And they won’t unless they want to.
They’ll keep feeding you pretty lies just to get under you.
They’ll keep planting these seeds in your mind and you’ll keep watching for a love to grow that was never even there in the first place.
Plant your own seeds sweet girl and watch yourself bloom.

-Don’t water weeds, water your soul

You Are Enough

Below is a poem I wrote in high school. Read further down to see what I have learned since writing this. Accept yourself for all that you are…I promise that you are enough. 

I am a monster,

Maybe not the type that little kids think are under their bed,

Or the kind that does evil things,

But the kind that self-destructs.

I constantly beat myself up with negative thoughts,

The ones that leave you with a pounding headache,

And leave you in a puddle of your own self-weep,

The ones that keep you from sleeping at night.

I tell myself I am not good enough,

Torturing myself every chance I get,

Letting all the negative energy slip right into my skull,

Releasing all the good left in me.

 

What I’ve learned since writing this…

We all tend to be our own worst enemies. We are always concerned with what other people think of us because we assume that they are already judging us. More often than not, the only person judging you is yourself. And if other people are judging you than they are either jealous or are tearing you down to make them feel better about themselves because of their own insecurities…so in actuality, you should be feeling bad for those people. Those are the people who are the unhappiest with themselves. The people who put other people down to make themselves feel better have more issues than you and probably need some help of their own.

So in reality, it makes me laugh when I see someone judging another person because that person who is judging is trying to come off as the dominant, strong one when in fact they are nothing but weak. A strong person can be someone who has just as many insecurities but sees another person and admires their beauty, their confidence, and their talents. In my opinion, that is the definition of a strong person because even if they are not happy with themselves, they will not take down another person just to make him or herself feel better.

Instead, a strong person will praise someone else’s success and want to watch them keep learning, growing, and succeeding despite whatever is going on in their own life. Be that kind of person. And stop beating yourself up because your biggest enemy is you. You need to stop tearing yourself down and you need to start building yourself up. And for those of you tearing other people down to make yourself feel better, stop for a minute and think about how weak a move that really is.

Rather than tearing that person down, build that person up just like you would want someone to do for you. STOP being the monster you see in your head. START being the person you want to be. Don’t let other people get in your head. Don’t let the fear of what other people think of you ruin the perception of yourself. You’re better than that. Be the strong person I know you are.

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Prisoner In My Own Home

In honor of April being Sexual Assault Awareness month, I am sharing with you a very personal poem I wrote about one of my friends. My close friend was sexually abused by his father for almost his entire life. Many do not realize how many boys are sexually assaulted because the focus is primarily on girls. According to 1in6.org, 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assaulted.

By the time my friend came forward with what had been going on behind closed doors, it was too late. The pain was too much for him and he took his own life. This poem is in the point of view of him. I am a very empathetic person so I was able to put myself in his shoes while writing this. For some of you, this may be a very tough read.

IF YOU KNOW A VICTIM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, SPEAK UP.

YOUR VOICE COULD SAVE A LIFE.

Prisoner in my Own Home

Most don’t think that rape,

Can happen to a boy,

Little did they know,

I was my father’s toy.

 

Creak, creak, creak, the floorboards go,

Oh no, he’s coming up the stairs,

I start breathing heavy,

And hope that god can hear my prayers.

 

Shaking in silence,

I’m a mess of sweat and tears,

He slams open the door,

Out of nowhere he appears.

 

The smell of sweet liquor and smoke fill the room,

I can no longer breathe,

My lungs are filled with doom.

 

He throws his first punch,

And I try my best to duck,

But he’s too quick,

And I’m out of luck.

 

As I fly back,

The concrete floor catches my fall,

I think my back is broken,

I begin to bawl.

 

Nowhere to run,

Nowhere to hide,

No way to escape,

No matter how hard I tried.

 

He drags me by my shirt,

And forces me on to the bed,

He rips off my clothes,

As I attempt to fight back,

I wish I were dead.

 

Blood-curdling screams of anguish,

Come from mommy who’s downstairs,

She’s too scared to call the cops,

So she starts throwing chairs.

 

She knows what daddy is doing to me,

For he beats and rapes her too,

But she is beside herself,

And pretends that what daddy is doing isn’t true.

 

Daddy is a monster,

For I see the evil in his eyes,

As he touches me aggressively,

I know he’s the devil in disguise.

 

I swim in a pool of my own tears,

As at peace the neighbors sleep,

Nobody ever hears,

So I continue to weep.

 

My innocence was taken away,

At just the age of three,

A prisoner in my own home,

I wonder what it’s like to be free.

 

13 years later,

And it’s still the same abuse,

For the bruises and cuts,

I always have an excuse.

 

There is so much pain within me,

So I beat myself up more,

By slicing my skin open with knives,

And watching the blood from my wounds pour.

 

I think it’s time I tell a teacher,

So the abuse can be put to rest,

But I’m afraid no one will believe me,

And think I’m just a pest.

 

Eventually I built the courage to rat my daddy out,

And he was put in jail,

I thought I would feel better,

But I still felt so frail.

 

After all I have gone through,

I knew earth wasn’t the place for me,

So I sent myself to heaven,

Where a good life was guaranteed.

Disappointment

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Living in a generation where disappointment is much too common is a very unsettling thing.

The word disappointment creeps over us like dawn creeps on those who are unable to sleep at night.

It burns us from within, melting our insides.

There is no way to stop the fire from spreading as the flames feed hungrily on our minds and eat at our bones.

It’s that queasy feeling you get in your stomach after hearing that some boy was just using you to get a stupid favor.

It’s that moment when you realize who your true friends are.

What you once thought was a rainbow is now a cloud of dust as you see someone’s true colors begin to unfold.

It’s an anchor holding you down on the ocean floor, leaving you to drown and squabble for air as you realize you were the one to blame for your sorrow.

 

You have no control over disappointment because it is something that we do not expect.

We can disappoint ourselves just as well as anyone else can disappoint us. Whether we accidentally disappoint ourselves, or someone disappoints us, disappointment is a bitter feeling.

It happens suddenly and in a flash before you can even register the harm that has been done to your hopeless little body and mind.

 

Disappointment distorts us and makes us fear the unknown,

but the unknown is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

If only we could learn to see it that way.

The unknown is full of secrets, mystery, adventure, and yes, disappointment…

but that is what makes life worthwhile.

 

The unknown is our experiences that are yet to come.

Some may be good, some may be bad,

but that is the magic of the unknown.

We mustn’t fear the unknown.

Instead we must dive into it head on and be willing to take risks.

Because sometimes, disappointment simply arises from within by the lack of stepping out of our comfort zone and going after what we want.

You might try something and fail at it, which leaves you disappointed.

But if you do not try something you want to, then you are still left disappointed because you aren’t pursuing what you want.

Either way, you may be left disappointed so why not go after what you want?

 

Don’t be disappointed because you failed.

Instead, you should be disappointed only if you don’t try.

Failure is a part of learning and helps us to grow into stronger beings.

Don’t be afraid of it.

Chase after the unknown, embrace it, and simply learn from what is to come.

 

Disappointment is a part of life.

Sometimes the things we go through that leave us disappointed make us better people – more passionate, more caring. We may view things or people differently and change our ways for the better.

So, in fact, disappointment is a beautiful thing.
It is one of the few things that can help shape us into the people we are.

If we view it as a positive thing, we can only grow from the disappointment.

It’s about turning negative situations into positive situations.

It’s all about perspective, and I hope that you channel all the disappointment in your life into something beautiful.