Prisoner In My Own Home

In honor of April being Sexual Assault Awareness month, I am sharing with you a very personal poem I wrote about one of my friends. My close friend was sexually abused by his father for almost his entire life. Many do not realize how many boys are sexually assaulted because the focus is primarily on girls. According to 1in6.org, 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assaulted.

By the time my friend came forward with what had been going on behind closed doors, it was too late. The pain was too much for him and he took his own life. This poem is in the point of view of him. I am a very empathetic person so I was able to put myself in his shoes while writing this. For some of you, this may be a very tough read.

IF YOU KNOW A VICTIM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, SPEAK UP.

YOUR VOICE COULD SAVE A LIFE.

Prisoner in my Own Home

Most don’t think that rape,

Can happen to a boy,

Little did they know,

I was my father’s toy.

 

Creak, creak, creak, the floorboards go,

Oh no, he’s coming up the stairs,

I start breathing heavy,

And hope that god can hear my prayers.

 

Shaking in silence,

I’m a mess of sweat and tears,

He slams open the door,

Out of nowhere he appears.

 

The smell of sweet liquor and smoke fill the room,

I can no longer breathe,

My lungs are filled with doom.

 

He throws his first punch,

And I try my best to duck,

But he’s too quick,

And I’m out of luck.

 

As I fly back,

The concrete floor catches my fall,

I think my back is broken,

I begin to bawl.

 

Nowhere to run,

Nowhere to hide,

No way to escape,

No matter how hard I tried.

 

He drags me by my shirt,

And forces me on to the bed,

He rips off my clothes,

As I attempt to fight back,

I wish I were dead.

 

Blood-curdling screams of anguish,

Come from mommy who’s downstairs,

She’s too scared to call the cops,

So she starts throwing chairs.

 

She knows what daddy is doing to me,

For he beats and rapes her too,

But she is beside herself,

And pretends that what daddy is doing isn’t true.

 

Daddy is a monster,

For I see the evil in his eyes,

As he touches me aggressively,

I know he’s the devil in disguise.

 

I swim in a pool of my own tears,

As at peace the neighbors sleep,

Nobody ever hears,

So I continue to weep.

 

My innocence was taken away,

At just the age of three,

A prisoner in my own home,

I wonder what it’s like to be free.

 

13 years later,

And it’s still the same abuse,

For the bruises and cuts,

I always have an excuse.

 

There is so much pain within me,

So I beat myself up more,

By slicing my skin open with knives,

And watching the blood from my wounds pour.

 

I think it’s time I tell a teacher,

So the abuse can be put to rest,

But I’m afraid no one will believe me,

And think I’m just a pest.

 

Eventually I built the courage to rat my daddy out,

And he was put in jail,

I thought I would feel better,

But I still felt so frail.

 

After all I have gone through,

I knew earth wasn’t the place for me,

So I sent myself to heaven,

Where a good life was guaranteed.

Happy Spring Cleaning!

Happy Spring cleaning everyone! It is time to put away the winter clothes and reorganize your closets! BUT FIRST, before saying goodbye to winter for good, I’d like to share with you one of my favorite winter outfits. After, I will share with you some essentials that get me through the Spring season!

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As you can see, I love a pretty pop of red! I wore this outfit to my birthday dinner with the family.

I got the blouse from Bloomingdales on sale for $82.60. I know it is still a little pricey but it was originally $118. You can shop this Karen Kane Sparkle Trim Bell Sleeve blouse at bloomies right now on sale for $88.50 (25% off).

The white fur coat is my moms so bless her soul for letting me borrow it so I could feel extra chic on my birthday! I am assuming the fur coat was WAY over my budget so shop these white fur coats instead that won’t break your bank account!!

Linza Faux Fur Jacket at Fashionnova for $39.99

Irene Faux Fur Hooded Jacket at Fashionnova for $49.99

(You can definitely get these cheaper at Fashionnova because there are always sales and promo codes you can use).

The Fur Vault Rex Rabbit Fur Bolero at Macy’s on sale right now for $715 plus an extra 20% off with the code: SALE, which brings you to a total of $572!! This is a steal only because the original price is $1,795!!! Obviously this is the most expensive option but is the best option if you are looking for a real fur coat that is somewhat affordable cause real fur is expensive. Always keep a look out for deals like these when trying to buy a special pricey item. Sale ends April 8th!

Jeans: DL 1961 Florence Instasculpt skinny jeans in Neptune for $178 (I got these on sale for $99).

My bag and shoes are my favorite part of this outfit! My Christian Louboutins were a gift from my Aunt for my 21st birthday and I actually cried tears of joy when she gave them to me. They were limited edition at the time so I am not sure if stores still have them, they are a bit of a tricky find!! They are not the most comfortable but beauty is pain, am I right ladies?? I would only recommend wearing these to occasions where most of the time you will be sitting…a nice dinner party perhaps??

I got my Alma Louis Vuitton bag at the flagship store in Paris with my birthday money while I was abroad two years ago. If you plan on buying something Louis Vuitton and you are in Paris, I highly recommend you buy it there because the prices are significantly lower! Just don’t forget the VAT tax!

NOW FOR SOME SPRING ESSENTIALS THAT GET ME THROUGH THE SEASON:

  1. Coffee is a must year round but my skinny iced vanilla lattes with almond milk from Starbucks keep me sane throughout the Spring. If you are trying to be extra healthy, then ask for the sugar free vanilla syrup. I promise you it tastes just as delicious! 15985863205_c858c5a134_b
  2.  Too Faced Sweethearts Perfect Flush Blush in the color- Sparkling Bellini ($30 at Ulta). I love this blush for the spring because it brings out more peachy tones with the perfect hint of sparkle, making this the perfect blush to go with brighter colors! unnamed-37
  3. Urban Decay Full Spectrum Eye Palette  , which is a bit tricky to find at the moment but you can get it on sale now at Nordstrom Rack for $33.97 instead of $55. I use this palette much more in the Spring and Summer because of all the bright colors. I enjoy playing around with the colors to make some fun looks.  Below are two looks I completed with this palette and the blush. Also, sorry the palette on the outside looks a little beat up…I should probably stop throwing my palettes around. unnamed-33unnamed-38
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    There are so many other things I love for the Spring but I will save those for a different post since this one is a bit on the longer side. What are some of your Spring essentials?! Comment below.

…In addition, stay tuned for a travel page I will be adding soon 🙂

Casual Day Out On The Town

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**SCROLL DOWN TO SEE FULL OUTFIT

Hey everyone! This is one of my all time favorite outfits because it’s a casual outfit that is both stylish and comfortable! I originally got this Ribbed Knit Slit Tunic top at BCBG but unfortunately they do not sell it anymore…HOWEVER, you can get it super cheap right now from Ebay or Jet.com. The top runs a little big so I would go a size down if you are in between sizes. I am wearing a size small but it’s a little big on me. Of course, I am wearing my DL 1961 Florence Instasculpt crop jeans in black, which are on sale right now in a blue wash at Macy’s for $79.99 but hurry because they are almost sold out! My booties are Vince Camuto and are an oldie but a goodie! The fringe adds a nice touch to them. The bag is from Florence, Italy. The choker is from my friend, Chelsea’s Etsy shop. She makes all her jewelry herself and they are adorable! Highly recommend you check out her jewelry at Shellsea.co

Ebay links for the top: XS Currently 17.99 + 6.99 shipping L currently $14.99 + 6.99 shipping

Jet.com link: $20.97

Get them before they are gone!!

 

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My Sweetest Symphony

Often nights I just lay in my bed,

As each of my thoughts becomes a beat,

Until eventually they all link together into an enthralling, soothing rhythm

And that’s when your name makes its way through my mind in the sweetest symphony,

So calm and tranquil,

As if you were whisking me through the breath of life;

The lullaby of the cool rain hushes me to sleep.

And that’s when I can hear your guitar playing from heavens pearly gates,

The rain comes down harder in a torrent,

And I can feel your presence kissing my skin with every drop.

Finesse Vox Box Unboxing

This is my first Vox Box from Influenster that I received complimentary for testing purposes! My camera is actually broken so the camera quality is horrible. I am planning on buying a new camera that takes high quality videos and pictures so if you have any suggestions on what to buy I would love to hear them! Hopefully by the next time I do a review, my video quality will be 1000x better 🙂

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Also thought I would share with you a better picture of my new hair color and the adorable sweater that I am wearing!

I love this off the shoulder sweater! It is super simple but the design on the back adds a little something extra. I got this sweater as a gift and it was from TJMaxx!

Happy Valentines Day!

Happy Valentines day to all those love birds out there and to you fellow single ladies (hey girl I’m with you)!! The poem below has to do with being in love so I thought this was appropriate for today. Don’t be fooled though… I was thinking about a cheeseburger while writing this because I have never actually been in love. This is just what I always hoped, and imagined, being in love would feel like. I think a lot of girls wish to feel like this someday too. So single or not, I hope you enjoy this poem. xoxo. This picture of me devouring this cheeseburger was my inspiration. Poor quality but high quality meal. Scroll down to read the poem!

And its nights like these where I feel every piece of you,

Your warmth,

Soft touch,

Tender kisses,

And everything that we represent,

Whatever that may be.

I feel you under the starry, sapphire blue sky that sparkles above me, captivating, and enveloping all of me.

We are the twinkling stars that I see dancing,

Almost like ballerinas prancing through the wind,

Gracefully,

And ever so blissfully.

 

A small smile makes its way on my face,

And I pretend I am far, far away from reality.

I enter my dreams.

My dreams consist of a forever.

A forever with this magnificently bewitching sky,

And a forever with you.

 

P.S- Remember that the only love you NEED is unconditional love for yourself ❤

 

Disappointment

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Living in a generation where disappointment is much too common is a very unsettling thing.

The word disappointment creeps over us like dawn creeps on those who are unable to sleep at night.

It burns us from within, melting our insides.

There is no way to stop the fire from spreading as the flames feed hungrily on our minds and eat at our bones.

It’s that queasy feeling you get in your stomach after hearing that some boy was just using you to get a stupid favor.

It’s that moment when you realize who your true friends are.

What you once thought was a rainbow is now a cloud of dust as you see someone’s true colors begin to unfold.

It’s an anchor holding you down on the ocean floor, leaving you to drown and squabble for air as you realize you were the one to blame for your sorrow.

 

You have no control over disappointment because it is something that we do not expect.

We can disappoint ourselves just as well as anyone else can disappoint us. Whether we accidentally disappoint ourselves, or someone disappoints us, disappointment is a bitter feeling.

It happens suddenly and in a flash before you can even register the harm that has been done to your hopeless little body and mind.

 

Disappointment distorts us and makes us fear the unknown,

but the unknown is one of the most beautiful things in the world.

If only we could learn to see it that way.

The unknown is full of secrets, mystery, adventure, and yes, disappointment…

but that is what makes life worthwhile.

 

The unknown is our experiences that are yet to come.

Some may be good, some may be bad,

but that is the magic of the unknown.

We mustn’t fear the unknown.

Instead we must dive into it head on and be willing to take risks.

Because sometimes, disappointment simply arises from within by the lack of stepping out of our comfort zone and going after what we want.

You might try something and fail at it, which leaves you disappointed.

But if you do not try something you want to, then you are still left disappointed because you aren’t pursuing what you want.

Either way, you may be left disappointed so why not go after what you want?

 

Don’t be disappointed because you failed.

Instead, you should be disappointed only if you don’t try.

Failure is a part of learning and helps us to grow into stronger beings.

Don’t be afraid of it.

Chase after the unknown, embrace it, and simply learn from what is to come.

 

Disappointment is a part of life.

Sometimes the things we go through that leave us disappointed make us better people – more passionate, more caring. We may view things or people differently and change our ways for the better.

So, in fact, disappointment is a beautiful thing.
It is one of the few things that can help shape us into the people we are.

If we view it as a positive thing, we can only grow from the disappointment.

It’s about turning negative situations into positive situations.

It’s all about perspective, and I hope that you channel all the disappointment in your life into something beautiful.