Anxiety And Seven Ways I Deal With It

 

Anxiety is something so many of us deal with. Sometimes we worry if we said too little or too much. What could we have said? Did we say the right thing? What even is the right thing? Was it my fault? Am I to blame? What If I did this instead? Would it have changed the outcome?

We get so anxious and begin to overthink every life decision we ever made. If I am anxious about something it can be really obvious because I start rambling and may even say out loud what I am thinking. However, that is because I am a naturally open person and I don’t have much of a filter. But so many of us never really address exactly why we have anxiety or what it is we are anxious about. Some of us might be embarrassed or just don’t know how to express ourselves. There is no need to be embarrassed about having anxiety. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), “Anxiety disorders are the most common illness in the U.S affecting over 40 million adults in the United States, age 18 and older.”

Even if you aren’t a naturally anxious person, chances are you still experience anxiety sometimes. It’s a normal reaction to things in life whether it be because of a test, a first date, waiting to hear back about a job, financial problems, waiting on a text, and yes how many likes you got on your Instagram post. Obsessing about how many likes and comments we get on social media is something I plan to delve deeper into, but feeling accepted on social media is something I will address on a later post. 

Anxiety is actually a very common thing that many people deal with in their everyday lives. Some people have it more extreme than others and it may affect their everyday routines. In those cases, I believe it is helpful to speak to someone and to find something you love that you can channel your anxiety into. If your anxiety is caused by a traumatic event in your life then please do not try to repress it. Repressing bad memories will only make things worse. Believe me, I have been there and I have close friends who have too. The best thing to do is to confront it and talk about the event no matter how hard it might be. For more severe cases, there is medication that can be prescribed and no one should feel ashamed about that.

There are so many different forms of anxiety such as post-traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, numerous phobias, social anxiety, and so forth. Some people don’t even realize how much their anxiety affects their everyday decisions and behaviors. If you find yourself constantly jumping into unhealthy relationships, have low self-esteem due to being overwhelmed by tasks at work or school, are afraid to be in social settings due to various scenarios in your head, turn to alcohol or drugs to calm yourself down or are constantly questioning yourself…then you may want to take a step back and think about why you are feeling the way you are and how you can respond in a way that does not make you more anxious than you already are. Responding to your anxiety in an unhealthy way only makes things worse when you should be trying to make things better. It is the same with stress and depression. People who feel overwhelmed are more prone to these behaviors and the pressures from society to be “perfect” do not make it any easier. Below, you will see a list of more efficient ways to deal with anxiety.

I consider myself an anxious person but more so in the way that I overthink situations and constantly question myself like most of us do. Instead of staring at your phones all day as you wait in anticipation for a text or instead of over practicing a routine for your tryout, you should find something else to focus your time on. For me, writing is what helps me get out my anxiety (surprise, surprise!!). For you, it may be going to the gym, learning a new recipe, or simply just surrounding yourself with friends to distract you. It is the healthiest way to deal with anxiety and other things, such as depression and stress. When you do something that makes you happy, you forget about everything else even if it is for just a moment and that helps for a healthier and more positive you!!

7 things I do to deal with anxiety:

  •  IDENTIFYING TRIGGERS: To me this is the most important part of dealing with anxiety. Sometimes the trigger is easily identifiable and is something silly like I mentioned above (waiting on a text, etc.). However, if you can’t identify the problem, it makes it so much harder to deal with it. You need to write down anything and everything that has ever bothered you (at least this helps me understand what caused my anxiety). Sometimes the things that trigger us are what we least expect. An issue that has been repressed in the back of your mind may set off an anxiety attack. Maybe it is something you never told anyone about. Think about what was bothering you that day you suddenly got anxious. Once you identify what triggered your anxiety, you can come up with more specific measures to deal with the problem.

 

  • SLEEP: If I can, I try to get enough sleep. Try to get at least eight hours of sleep if you can or set aside a twenty-minute nap during the day. But what happens if you are dealing with sleep anxiety or are prone to anxiety attacks? Then what? Well, I am someone who has suffered from anxiety attacks after going through traumatic events (loss of a friend, bad car accident, etc.). This is when I try to focus on my breathing and concentrate on taking deep breaths to calm me down. I then will make myself a sleepy time tea to get me in the mood to sleep. Sometimes I will play some relaxing music to ease my mind.

 

  • EXERCISE: This is something that is proven to be healthy physically and mentally. It can help to get out all of your frustration and clear your head.

 

  • PARTAKING IN A HOBBY I ENJOY: For me this may be writing or performing on stage. Like I mentioned before, not everyone enjoys the same things so your hobby might be reading, playing basketball, or playing guitar, etc.

 

 

  • STAY AWAY FROM TECHNOLOGY: When I am anxious I try to take a mental break from my phone, from television, and my computer. Sometimes when I am anxious I fall back into the trap of overthinking things and we both know Google and social media can only make things worse. Before you know it, you will start googling things like “Why am I anxious?” “Could ___ be causing my anxiety?” If anything, you are going to make yourself more anxious from the answers that you might see and more often than not you are going to convince yourself you have some rare disease. Google might tell you something you don’t want to hear and that is the last thing an anxious person needs to read. I also find that social media overwhelms me when I am anxious. Instead, if you want to socialize with people while your anxious, talk to a good friend about it that will help you calm down. Real interactions are always better during times like these (Just make sure the person you are talking to won’t judge you or make you feel bad about your anxiety. Make sure it is someone you can trust). I am a good secret keeper so if any of you want to shoot me an email, visit my contact page and I would be happy to listen and give you some advice specific to your situation!!

 

  • TAKE A WARM BATH: Hot showers are nice and all but nothing soothes me more than a nice bubble bath! I set the tone by dimming the lights, playing some peaceful music, lighting some candles, putting on a face mask, and of course filling my bathtub with bubbles and a relaxing bath bomb! If I’m feeling really fancy I will have a glass of wine with me too. What is more relaxing than that?!

 

What are some things you guys do to deal with anxiety? Do you have any tips? If so, comment below!

You Are Enough

Below is a poem I wrote in high school. Read further down to see what I have learned since writing this. Accept yourself for all that you are…I promise that you are enough. 

I am a monster,

Maybe not the type that little kids think are under their bed,

Or the kind that does evil things,

But the kind that self-destructs.

I constantly beat myself up with negative thoughts,

The ones that leave you with a pounding headache,

And leave you in a puddle of your own self-weep,

The ones that keep you from sleeping at night.

I tell myself I am not good enough,

Torturing myself every chance I get,

Letting all the negative energy slip right into my skull,

Releasing all the good left in me.

 

What I’ve learned since writing this…

We all tend to be our own worst enemies. We are always concerned with what other people think of us because we assume that they are already judging us. More often than not, the only person judging you is yourself. And if other people are judging you than they are either jealous or are tearing you down to make them feel better about themselves because of their own insecurities…so in actuality, you should be feeling bad for those people. Those are the people who are the unhappiest with themselves. The people who put other people down to make themselves feel better have more issues than you and probably need some help of their own.

So in reality, it makes me laugh when I see someone judging another person because that person who is judging is trying to come off as the dominant, strong one when in fact they are nothing but weak. A strong person can be someone who has just as many insecurities but sees another person and admires their beauty, their confidence, and their talents. In my opinion, that is the definition of a strong person because even if they are not happy with themselves, they will not take down another person just to make him or herself feel better.

Instead, a strong person will praise someone else’s success and want to watch them keep learning, growing, and succeeding despite whatever is going on in their own life. Be that kind of person. And stop beating yourself up because your biggest enemy is you. You need to stop tearing yourself down and you need to start building yourself up. And for those of you tearing other people down to make yourself feel better, stop for a minute and think about how weak a move that really is.

Rather than tearing that person down, build that person up just like you would want someone to do for you. STOP being the monster you see in your head. START being the person you want to be. Don’t let other people get in your head. Don’t let the fear of what other people think of you ruin the perception of yourself. You’re better than that. Be the strong person I know you are.

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Risky Business

I call this outfit risky business because there is a classy business feel to it with a hint of risk! Don’t get me wrong though…this is definitely NOT the outfit to wear to a business meeting or to work (unless you work in a really chill and trendy environment perhaps). This is a great outfit for dinner or cocktails with the girls when you want to look sophisticated but also flirty!

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OUTFIT DETAILS:

Top: I found this Lavender Velvet Babydoll V-Neck Tank at the cutest boutique Polished ! Although this top is no longer available, I highly recommend you check out the website because there are tons of cute clothes you will not be able to find anywhere else!

Jeans: Petite Mid-Rise Black Jean Leggings from Express for $79.99. I got them for 30% off at the time. Always check for deals!! Right now, Express has a buy 1, get 1 $29.90 deal. For all of you short people out there, these petite jeans are LIFE SAVORS because you do not have to pay to get them hemmed…you’re welcome.

Black Cardigan: You can pair this outfit with any simple black cardigan. I bought mine a couple years ago at Nordstrom for about $20.

Heels: These strappy BCBG Generation heels are an oldie but a goodie! A bonus is that they are very comfortable and easy to walk in too! For a similar look, click on the links below.

Caparros Women’s Kalista Embellished Satin Pointed Toe Pumps. Originally $95 but are 40% off right now for $57 at Bloomingdales!

Athena Alexander Monett Strappy Pump for $84.95 at Nordstrom.

Lace-Up Block Heel Pumps. Originally $32.99 but are on sale right now for $16.49 at Charlotte Russe.

LifeStride Seamless for $59.99 at Zappos.

Prisoner In My Own Home

In honor of April being Sexual Assault Awareness month, I am sharing with you a very personal poem I wrote about one of my friends. My close friend was sexually abused by his father for almost his entire life. Many do not realize how many boys are sexually assaulted because the focus is primarily on girls. According to 1in6.org, 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assaulted.

By the time my friend came forward with what had been going on behind closed doors, it was too late. The pain was too much for him and he took his own life. This poem is in the point of view of him. I am a very empathetic person so I was able to put myself in his shoes while writing this. For some of you, this may be a very tough read.

IF YOU KNOW A VICTIM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, SPEAK UP.

YOUR VOICE COULD SAVE A LIFE.

Prisoner in my Own Home

Most don’t think that rape,

Can happen to a boy,

Little did they know,

I was my father’s toy.

 

Creak, creak, creak, the floorboards go,

Oh no, he’s coming up the stairs,

I start breathing heavy,

And hope that god can hear my prayers.

 

Shaking in silence,

I’m a mess of sweat and tears,

He slams open the door,

Out of nowhere he appears.

 

The smell of sweet liquor and smoke fill the room,

I can no longer breathe,

My lungs are filled with doom.

 

He throws his first punch,

And I try my best to duck,

But he’s too quick,

And I’m out of luck.

 

As I fly back,

The concrete floor catches my fall,

I think my back is broken,

I begin to bawl.

 

Nowhere to run,

Nowhere to hide,

No way to escape,

No matter how hard I tried.

 

He drags me by my shirt,

And forces me on to the bed,

He rips off my clothes,

As I attempt to fight back,

I wish I were dead.

 

Blood-curdling screams of anguish,

Come from mommy who’s downstairs,

She’s too scared to call the cops,

So she starts throwing chairs.

 

She knows what daddy is doing to me,

For he beats and rapes her too,

But she is beside herself,

And pretends that what daddy is doing isn’t true.

 

Daddy is a monster,

For I see the evil in his eyes,

As he touches me aggressively,

I know he’s the devil in disguise.

 

I swim in a pool of my own tears,

As at peace the neighbors sleep,

Nobody ever hears,

So I continue to weep.

 

My innocence was taken away,

At just the age of three,

A prisoner in my own home,

I wonder what it’s like to be free.

 

13 years later,

And it’s still the same abuse,

For the bruises and cuts,

I always have an excuse.

 

There is so much pain within me,

So I beat myself up more,

By slicing my skin open with knives,

And watching the blood from my wounds pour.

 

I think it’s time I tell a teacher,

So the abuse can be put to rest,

But I’m afraid no one will believe me,

And think I’m just a pest.

 

Eventually I built the courage to rat my daddy out,

And he was put in jail,

I thought I would feel better,

But I still felt so frail.

 

After all I have gone through,

I knew earth wasn’t the place for me,

So I sent myself to heaven,

Where a good life was guaranteed.

Happy Spring Cleaning!

Happy Spring cleaning everyone! It is time to put away the winter clothes and reorganize your closets! BUT FIRST, before saying goodbye to winter for good, I’d like to share with you one of my favorite winter outfits. After, I will share with you some essentials that get me through the Spring season!

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As you can see, I love a pretty pop of red! I wore this outfit to my birthday dinner with the family.

I got the blouse from Bloomingdales on sale for $82.60. I know it is still a little pricey but it was originally $118. You can shop this Karen Kane Sparkle Trim Bell Sleeve blouse at bloomies right now on sale for $88.50 (25% off).

The white fur coat is my moms so bless her soul for letting me borrow it so I could feel extra chic on my birthday! I am assuming the fur coat was WAY over my budget so shop these white fur coats instead that won’t break your bank account!!

Linza Faux Fur Jacket at Fashionnova for $39.99

Irene Faux Fur Hooded Jacket at Fashionnova for $49.99

(You can definitely get these cheaper at Fashionnova because there are always sales and promo codes you can use).

The Fur Vault Rex Rabbit Fur Bolero at Macy’s on sale right now for $715 plus an extra 20% off with the code: SALE, which brings you to a total of $572!! This is a steal only because the original price is $1,795!!! Obviously this is the most expensive option but is the best option if you are looking for a real fur coat that is somewhat affordable cause real fur is expensive. Always keep a look out for deals like these when trying to buy a special pricey item. Sale ends April 8th!

Jeans: DL 1961 Florence Instasculpt skinny jeans in Neptune for $178 (I got these on sale for $99).

My bag and shoes are my favorite part of this outfit! My Christian Louboutins were a gift from my Aunt for my 21st birthday and I actually cried tears of joy when she gave them to me. They were limited edition at the time so I am not sure if stores still have them, they are a bit of a tricky find!! They are not the most comfortable but beauty is pain, am I right ladies?? I would only recommend wearing these to occasions where most of the time you will be sitting…a nice dinner party perhaps??

I got my Alma Louis Vuitton bag at the flagship store in Paris with my birthday money while I was abroad two years ago. If you plan on buying something Louis Vuitton and you are in Paris, I highly recommend you buy it there because the prices are significantly lower! Just don’t forget the VAT tax!

NOW FOR SOME SPRING ESSENTIALS THAT GET ME THROUGH THE SEASON:

  1. Coffee is a must year round but my skinny iced vanilla lattes with almond milk from Starbucks keep me sane throughout the Spring. If you are trying to be extra healthy, then ask for the sugar free vanilla syrup. I promise you it tastes just as delicious! 15985863205_c858c5a134_b
  2.  Too Faced Sweethearts Perfect Flush Blush in the color- Sparkling Bellini ($30 at Ulta). I love this blush for the spring because it brings out more peachy tones with the perfect hint of sparkle, making this the perfect blush to go with brighter colors! unnamed-37
  3. Urban Decay Full Spectrum Eye Palette  , which is a bit tricky to find at the moment but you can get it on sale now at Nordstrom Rack for $33.97 instead of $55. I use this palette much more in the Spring and Summer because of all the bright colors. I enjoy playing around with the colors to make some fun looks.  Below are two looks I completed with this palette and the blush. Also, sorry the palette on the outside looks a little beat up…I should probably stop throwing my palettes around. unnamed-33unnamed-38
  4. unnamed-35unnamed-36unnamed-34unnamed-26unnamed-30There are so many other things I love for the Spring but I will save those for a different post since this one is a bit on the longer side. What are some of your Spring essentials?! Comment below.

 

Casual Day Out On The Town

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**SCROLL DOWN TO SEE FULL OUTFIT

Hey everyone! This is one of my all time favorite outfits because it’s a casual outfit that is both stylish and comfortable! I originally got this Ribbed Knit Slit Tunic top at BCBG but unfortunately they do not sell it anymore…HOWEVER, you can get it super cheap right now from Ebay or Jet.com. The top runs a little big so I would go a size down if you are in between sizes. I am wearing a size small but it’s a little big on me. Of course, I am wearing my DL 1961 Florence Instasculpt crop jeans in black, which are on sale right now in a blue wash at Macy’s for $79.99 but hurry because they are almost sold out! My booties are Vince Camuto and are an oldie but a goodie! The fringe adds a nice touch to them. The bag is from Florence, Italy. The choker is from my friend, Chelsea’s Etsy shop. She makes all her jewelry herself and they are adorable! Highly recommend you check out her jewelry at Shellsea.co

Ebay links for the top: XS Currently 17.99 + 6.99 shipping L currently $14.99 + 6.99 shipping

Jet.com link: $20.97

Get them before they are gone!!

 

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My Sweetest Symphony

Often nights I just lay in my bed,

As each of my thoughts becomes a beat,

Until eventually they all link together into an enthralling, soothing rhythm

And that’s when your name makes its way through my mind in the sweetest symphony,

So calm and tranquil,

As if you were whisking me through the breath of life;

The lullaby of the cool rain hushes me to sleep.

And that’s when I can hear your guitar playing from heavens pearly gates,

The rain comes down harder in a torrent,

And I can feel your presence kissing my skin with every drop.